| COMMITTING TO A PARTNER Dr. Trevor Powell "There is much to consider. Do we both want children, where will we live, can we afford to buy a house, should we get married or just live together? It's a hundred decisions in one" Falling in love and deciding to live with someone, and perhaps get married, although happy and exciting events, create enourmous changes and stress in your life. You most apart to being part of a couple and learn to share yourself and your life with another person whose views and feelings you need to consider as well as your own. The decision to make your relationship long term or to get married cannot be taken lightly, since it irredeemably affects the future course and happiness of your life. Even planning for a wedding itself can be a time of difficult decisions. As with any mayor life event, stress levels can be greatly reduced by considering as many of the issues involved in the decision process as possible. In any relationship, there is more than one type of love. Initially there are the feelings of passion,thrill, and romance associated with falling in love, followed by the more down-to-earth, stable feelings that you expect to develop in a strong, long-term relationship. The initial romantic love is wonderful, but it will not last forever, just as the feelings of euphoria produced drink of drugs soon wear off. Unfortunately, some people become addicted to the sensations of this first love and are constantly serching for it, unable to settle down into a stable relationship. For this reason, it is not usually a good idea to make long-term plans too early in the relationship when you are still feeling intoxicated. Give your love time to prove itself. It is essential that sa a couple you have withstood the test of whether you can handle problems together before making a life commitment. '"it is important to discuss your long term goals" Once some of the initial magic has worn off, any relationship should have a number of essential ingredients if it is to last. You and your partner should genuinely like and respect each other and share a sense of humor to help you through any difficult times. Openness and a willingness to negotiateand compromise are also important. Above all, you should be sure you are compatible as a couple, both temperamentally and emotionally. The four most important criteria for compatibility are: . Share goals, values, and long - therm ideals. . Common interests and similar backgrounds . Mutual physical attraction . Complementary personalities. For example, if you are outgoing, spontaneous, and occationally frivolous, and your partner is perhaps more shy and retiring but is steady and reliable you each give each other qualities that you individually lack. Your two halves make a stronger whole. "There is not perfect harmony in marriage, only a series of adjustments" The success of any marriage or long-term relationship can be affected by a number of established risk factors, which it is helpful to be aware of. These include marrying on the rebound or as a way of escaping from difficulties in your present life. Marriages are statistically less likely to succeed if either of you is under 19, if there is more than 10 years between you, or if you have been together for less than nine months. Finally, it is rarely wise to marry because of premarital pregnancy.MZ | How compatible are you? These questions cover issues that you and your partener need to confront before committing to a long-term relationship. Answer them separatery. Then compare and discuss your responses. . Do you genuinely like your partner? If you weren't lovers,could you be friends? . Can your partner make you laugth? . What do you respect about your partner? . What similar interests do you enjoy? . Do you feel sexualy attracted to your partner? . Are you both able to express your feelings and accept constructive criticism? . How do you see your life together in five, ten and twenty years' time? . How do you see your different roles? . Do you want children; if so, when? . When things go wrong, how to you react? |
Dr. Trevor Powell, is a clinical psychologist and stress-management expert. 2009 copyrigth material. dk. New York. Edits and Design by: Luz Vargas |